Archive for August, 2010

The Intergalactic Princess Dream

This one’s from my personal archives over 4 years ago on a Sunday morning, but I love it too much to let it go.  In fact, I have an old neighbor who still calls me the Intergalactic Princess, thanks to this dream.  Enjoy!

I had the coolest dream last night. I was chosen to be one of 12 intergalactic princesses. Actually, there might have been some intergalactic princes in there with us, too, but I can’t remember clearly.

In my dream, after I became one of the anointed ones, I had to go stand with the other 11 on this round metal plate on the space ship that was marked with our names. I was number 6. And when all of us were standing on our names, then the spaceship could move. Most everyone else fell off the round metal plate when we actually took off, but I was super-intergalactic princess and helped them all hang on.

The first place we stopped when our riverboat space ship docked was this place where everyone was so humble they thought we wouldn’t ever talk to them, but then we did. We shared food, and they worshipped us for being good intergalactic river royalty. We made them happy by gracing them with our presence, and I felt good about myself. I was such a cool intergalactic princess. Apparently a nice stuck-up one, too. 🙂

Then I woke up, thought, “Gee, that was a fun dream,” and promptly went back to sleep where I was once again an intergalactic princess. Except this time I was in a line to get my alien husband. (Somehow in my dream it made sense that I had to have one, and the ninja-spouse understood and didn’t mind.) The people in front of me cheated and didn’t fill out the right paperwork to actually be married, but I was paired with Stitch (the blue alien dude from Lilo and Stitch), so I was okay with it. And then we had a fight, and Stitch got sent to the isolated part of the ship. Probably because he made an intergalactic princess mad. But while he was in isolation, he was building a new army to help him break out of isolation and do good for all mankind. Probably without being a snot.

That’s about when I woke up for real, got up for the day, did the showering/breakfast/Sunday morning church thing, and then went out to brunch with some friends. And this is where the exploding nose comes into play.

I was about half a mile from home after breakfast when this darn cold of mine kicked in again. I felt the tickle in my nose, braced myself, and sneezed. But really, saying my nose exploded is a more appropriate explanation of what happened. And wouldn’t you know it, I didn’t have a single tissue anywhere within reach in my car.

I was almost home, just a block away, when I passed a neighbor out walking. And she saw me holding a hand up to my nose in a rather awkward position, as I was holding my nose gunk in my hand while it continued to sprinkle down out my nose and off my face. And all I could do was blush, because I needed one hand to drive and the other to keep me clean. I was so close to getting home with no witnesses, too.

So, in a matter of 3 hours, I went from intergalactic princess to snot girl.  That’s humility for you.


Imaginary Vampire Slayer

I had this dream that I was married to something that was sort of like Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and we were wandering around a college campus that had a lot of elevators and bathrooms in it.  I was telling my Aunt Sue about how I was so glad this wasn’t a dream, because I hated those dreams where I was in school and I didn’t know where my classes were or I hadn’t studied for a test, but I knew where the water fountain was, except suddenly the hallway we were walking through wasn’t the same hallway anymore, and the water fountain wasn’t underneath the toothpick airplane sculptures like it used to be.  Then I was in the bathroom, and Spike had told me I was a vampire slayer, so all the women in the bathroom gave me pencils since I’d lost my wooden stake.  Then I couldn’t tell the difference between real vampires and real people, so I just closed my eyes and started doing ninja moves with my pencils slicing through the air, yelling, “Heeee-yah!” and even though I didn’t hit anything, I convinced myself I’d just taken out all the female vamps.  Then I wandered past an electronics store, and all the boy vamps were on the screens, so I slashed the screens with my pencil (they were thin screens, made out of paper or something), and then I felt dumb for battling more imaginary vampires and I ran away before the store owner knew I was the one who slashed his screens.  But I still managed to convince myself I’d taken out all the vamps.

Then the mini-ninja woke up, having wet the bed, and he started crying, which woke me up, and I have no idea what happened to me being an imaginary vampire slayer after that.

Jewish Agnostic Idol

So the dream started fairly standard for a nightmare. I was at the OB for my glucose test. (Shudder.). And I was telling the girl in front of me, who’s swigging the nasty sugar drink, that I passed out and threw up the last time I took the glucose test (true story) and then, because I like to be optimistic and I didn’t want to scare the poor thing, I added that it wasn’t that bad. (Yes, it was.)

So of course, we fast forward in the dream, and I’m the team leader for one-fifth of the contestants on American Idol. I’m also a contestant, but it’s my job to organize my team into small groups for competition. Then, as the first group starts dancing and singing in the trees (did I mention we were at a campground?), I realized I’d forgotten to put myself in a group, and I got kinda desperate since I really wanted to go to Hollywood.

But then I was sitting in a big barn at a Jewish service with my friends Jen and Rob who don’t really go to church anywhere but in my dreams had signed up to be the host couple one weekend a month. In the middle of the service, the Rabbi gave me Communion, then Jen started the wave. Afterwards, I told Rob about my American Idol dream, and a train came by with fireworks crackling in all of its cars, and even though we were at the end of the track, Rob kept yelling for people to quit setting off fireworks in the trains. Then all the cars separated and were driven by individual drivers, and they headed up the quaint little main street behind the Jewish barn, and I realized I’d seen that intersection before, but I have no idea where.

Then I woke up.

I’m a Nut

I had this dream that wasn’t all that clear, but I’m pretty sure I was a cashew, and I was married to a raspberry, and we decided to divorce since we’d never be able to have children, and I rode away from my raspberry love on a bicycle.

So That’s Where The Body Went

I dreamed that it was my high school graduation day, but one of the parents wanted to hold our entire class back even though we’d gotten all A’s because he believed we’d benefit from taking other classes that the high school had to offer. I told him to do something anatomically impossible and demanded my diploma, since college classes would be better than more high school classes, but then suddenly I was in some kind of medical school watching Michael Jackson’s autopsy. When the med student in charge pulled out an axe to chop his head off, I had to leave the room. They told me he’d been sown back together, and suddenly the ninja-spouse’s crazy hippie aunt was there, and she told me it was time for the funeral. So we all piled into cars, and my best fried from college drove me, along with some RWA chapter mates, to a huge church that had services for all sorts of denominations, and it was just a big plain building and more and more folding chairs kept appearing. Then, in the middle of the service, the ninja-spouse’s crazy hippie aunt stood up and announced to everyone that we were knew, so we had to parade around the folding chairs, all 30 or so of us, holding the new baby up high. Some woman to the leaves that were my coat and ate them, so I was a little cold,but then I got to eat a meat pie while the funeral started. And as I sat there watching Michael Jackson’s funeral in my local church, I realized that the ninja-spouse’s crazy hippie aunt had stolen his body, and for once, I knew more about the story than the National Enquirer.
Then we all went out to breakfast.

Glee Shifters

I dreamed that I was going to school at the Glee high school, and I was on the Talent Team, and we were having other high schools over to compete with in our backyard. We sang, we danced, we played basketball, and an airplane flew over and released banners and balloons. Mickey Mouse and Tigger and Pooh came by, and the mini-ninja got all excited, but they left when it was time to announce Entertainer Coach Of The Year awards. Sue Sylvester knew she won, so she raced to the front of the stage, and when anyone got in her way, she shape-shifted into a tiger and growled at them. I felt good when she was actually awarded second place, because she put me in a muu-muu costume.

The Bubble Under The Ocean

I had this dream where I went to a house to look at buying it, and while me and my special male dream friend were in the basement, he discovered a portal to the house in a bubble at the bottom of the ocean, but we had to go through the ocean to get there. On the way, there was an oil spill, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus offered to handcuff herself to the beach since one of us had to stay behind as a sacrifice to the spill. When we got to the house in the bubble, we discovered it was mostly a bachelor pad, but I washed the mini-ninja’s hair in the sink then got him a trim at the beauty salon. Then we headed back up top, where Julia had gotten a male sidekick who was maimed by wooden pallets floating in the tide. Then they got married.

Ten years later in the dream, Julia’s husband was gone but she swore it was the best 10 years of her life. Then we all boarded a flying school bus to go back to my parents’ town, but instead we went back to the original house for sale and got a tour from the owner who had no idea her husband was living in a bachelor pad in a bubble at the bottom of the ocean.

Side note: I think I had this same dream one other time, but it happened in outer space.

Got My Naked On

I dreamed I was back in high school and all the cool kids convinced me we were having a “Go To School Naked Day,” so I went to school naked. Then Nathan Fillion was my homeroom teacher and he had to explain to me that it was inappropriate to be naked at school. Also, the popular kids didn’t get naked, damn them.


I dreamed I was back in junior high, playing in a basketball game against a team that kept putting more and more players on the floor but couldn’t make a basket no matter how many they shot. Then, when the game was over, my team had won 100-something to 29. Then we all filed down to the basement where I found out a former coworker had lost a lover in an accident, but I couldn’t tell if the lover was a man or woman, so we set out to investigate worth cameras in the subfloor, and we proved the original suspect was innocent based on footprints.

Then I went to the circus in San Francisco.

Oh, No, Mr. Potato Head!

I dreamed I took a box of toys to Good Will and they dumped the toys into sorter machine where Mr. Potato Head lost all his parts. Then I realized Good Will was a great place to shop for dining room tables since they had hundreds of big ones, but I had to help sort socks before I could see all the tables.

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