Archive for Animals

I am not me

I dreamed I was a baby shark and my dad was protecting me from twenty other fish who were attacking us by eating them, and he told me to swim away and hide but instead I spit on the fish he was eating.

Then I dreamed I was a contestant in a beauty pageant and we got to ride on Sea-Doos in the swimming pool, and when my cousin and I went to pick up the cover models, they started chasing us, so we had to hide in the mall.

Then I dreamed I was a muppet mouse, and three of my muppet-mouse friends touched the wall and it vibrated and melted away to reveal train tracks with muppet mouse-sized train cars, and my scientist put me and the other muppet mice on Thomas and Cars train cars to see how far we could go, then to see who could get out first to go to the cat.  (Yes, cat.  Like kitty-cat.  Like muppet mouse suicide.)  One of my little muppet mouse buddies cheated by renumbering himself and he got released first, though it bothered me that he was smart enough to count.  I, on the other hand, was smart enough to not want to go to the cat.

Disney World Mall, High School Edition

The night before we arrived at Disney World, I dreamed I was a spy at the Disney World Mall High School.  My friend Jenny played the part of Veronica Mars and was my sidekick.  We snuck into a secure Federal Disney World Mall High School Building by pretending to be CIA/FBI agents, so we could watch the real agents investigate a spy who turned out to be the ninja-spouse’s brother-in-law’s mother (does that make her the ninja-spouse’s mother-in-law-in-law once removed?  Let’s just call her the NSBILM.).  So, the agents showed the ninja-spouse’s BIL a jell-o mock-up of his mother’s brain, so he could touch it and feel closer to her, except he kissed it instead, and then he saw his mom hiding in the shadows and he exposed her.  Then we all used purple elephant play-doh to wash our hands.*

*TOTAL WEIRDNESS!!  The next day, in real life, we arrived at Disney World, checked into our hotel/resort area, and were wandering around when we saw this:

And finally, my dreams scared me.

Don’t you be messing with my sister, Witch

I dreamed that I went all ninja on a sorceress’s ass when she tried to put a bad boyfriend spell on my sister.  We were fighting over the spell (me and the sorceress, not me and my sister) when an old dude in a pickup pulled up and told us to go to the beach.  So we left the old Victorian house we were at and suddenly we were walking through the sand amidst sea turtles and stingrays and dolphins and crocodiles and these weird prehistoric Nessie-looking creatures that had small teeth and might or might not have been friendly, so I didn’t get too close.  When the croc grinned at me, though, I called it quits on the dream and woke up.