The Bubble Under The Ocean

I had this dream where I went to a house to look at buying it, and while me and my special male dream friend were in the basement, he discovered a portal to the house in a bubble at the bottom of the ocean, but we had to go through the ocean to get there. On the way, there was an oil spill, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus offered to handcuff herself to the beach since one of us had to stay behind as a sacrifice to the spill. When we got to the house in the bubble, we discovered it was mostly a bachelor pad, but I washed the mini-ninja’s hair in the sink then got him a trim at the beauty salon. Then we headed back up top, where Julia had gotten a male sidekick who was maimed by wooden pallets floating in the tide. Then they got married.

Ten years later in the dream, Julia’s husband was gone but she swore it was the best 10 years of her life. Then we all boarded a flying school bus to go back to my parents’ town, but instead we went back to the original house for sale and got a tour from the owner who had no idea her husband was living in a bachelor pad in a bubble at the bottom of the ocean.

Side note: I think I had this same dream one other time, but it happened in outer space.

Got My Naked On

I dreamed I was back in high school and all the cool kids convinced me we were having a “Go To School Naked Day,” so I went to school naked. Then Nathan Fillion was my homeroom teacher and he had to explain to me that it was inappropriate to be naked at school. Also, the popular kids didn’t get naked, damn them.

Games

I dreamed I was back in junior high, playing in a basketball game against a team that kept putting more and more players on the floor but couldn’t make a basket no matter how many they shot. Then, when the game was over, my team had won 100-something to 29. Then we all filed down to the basement where I found out a former coworker had lost a lover in an accident, but I couldn’t tell if the lover was a man or woman, so we set out to investigate worth cameras in the subfloor, and we proved the original suspect was innocent based on footprints.

Then I went to the circus in San Francisco.

Oh, No, Mr. Potato Head!

I dreamed I took a box of toys to Good Will and they dumped the toys into sorter machine where Mr. Potato Head lost all his parts. Then I realized Good Will was a great place to shop for dining room tables since they had hundreds of big ones, but I had to help sort socks before I could see all the tables.

Church of the World Cup

I dreamed I was helping with a fundraiser for the Church of the World Cup. We were gathering donations and delivering them on our bicycles but every time we sorted the clothes the pile got bigger until it was too big to carry behind our bicycles and more and more bicyclists were deserting the cause so we didn’t know how we were going to get all the donations to the World Cup. My blood pressure over the stress finally woke me up.

Can You Feel The Weirdness Tonight?

I dreamed I was back in high school, except it looked more like college, except with a lot more fountains and flowers and buildings I didn’t recognize and couldn’t find my way around. I was hanging out with my friends, dancing and singing with them on the roof, when there was a prison break on campus and all the gang thugs escaped. First we fought, then we danced and sang together, then we all decided to go have lunch at the cafeteria in the library. I needed to get to my psychology class because we had a test on the first day of classes, but I forgot where my class was, and before I got there, the zoo asked for my help to summon the Lion King’s girlfriend. So I learned how to spin the magic wheel in the basement to call Nala, and then the entire Lion King cast was there, and Simba and Nala were chasing each other and chasing me, but they were friendly and eventually they left for their parade. Then I realized I had no idea where my bag and books and schedule were, and we suspected the janitor had thrown them away because they didn’t really fit in my bag, and I’d emptied it at lunch anyway. But then the ninja-spouse pointed out we could just go to the main office, get me a pass for my test and a new copy of my schedule, and everything would be fine.

Look out!

From the ol’ family tales file…

One night, when the ninja-spouse and I were about a decade younger, I had this dream that we were walking through an old gothic cathedral and the gargoyles were alive and watching us and creeping me out, and all of a sudden these gigantic ax pendulums started swinging from the ceiling.  Naturally, I yelled for the ninja-spouse to look out.  Except I really did yell for him to look out, and he woke up out of a dead sleep certain that somebody was outside the window about to break in and rape and pillage us, so he sprung straight up in full ninja-attack stance (he does have a black belt in at least one martial art), and I very clearly yelled, “No, get down, they’re gonna cut your head off!”

The ninja-spouse is nothing if not obedient to my midnight ramblings, so he dropped flat and stared around for about 30 seconds before he realized what was going on, snorted in disgust, and told me to go back to sleep.

Lord knows we both hope I’m never the first alert system for a real midnight break-in.  The ninja-spouse has been trained not to believe me.

Super-Ninja

I dreamed I was Superman and Lois’s sidekick (the Dean Cain/Teri Hatcher combo) and when I stopped at my house to make coffee for the mini-ninja, this pint-sized thug broke into my house and I had to go all ninja on his ass.  (I did it in style this time, leaping up and holding my body horizontal, Matrix-style, while delivering ninja kicks and punches to his face.)  When the midget finally ran away, I realized his dog had popped my cat’s front leg off, so I had to suspend ninja operations to call the vet.  But my cat is tough – she didn’t seem to notice her leg was missing.  Technically, though, I guess it wasn’t missing, since I had it to take the to vet so it could get reattached.  Except the vet wouldn’t call me back.

I am not me

I dreamed I was a baby shark and my dad was protecting me from twenty other fish who were attacking us by eating them, and he told me to swim away and hide but instead I spit on the fish he was eating.

Then I dreamed I was a contestant in a beauty pageant and we got to ride on Sea-Doos in the swimming pool, and when my cousin and I went to pick up the cover models, they started chasing us, so we had to hide in the mall.

Then I dreamed I was a muppet mouse, and three of my muppet-mouse friends touched the wall and it vibrated and melted away to reveal train tracks with muppet mouse-sized train cars, and my scientist put me and the other muppet mice on Thomas and Cars train cars to see how far we could go, then to see who could get out first to go to the cat.  (Yes, cat.  Like kitty-cat.  Like muppet mouse suicide.)  One of my little muppet mouse buddies cheated by renumbering himself and he got released first, though it bothered me that he was smart enough to count.  I, on the other hand, was smart enough to not want to go to the cat.

Prom Hair

I dreamed that the ninja-spouse took me to make an appointment to get my hair cut, but since it was prom season, we ended up with an appointment for Fourth of July, and we had dinner and a show instead.  We went to this local restaurant that serves amazing food for the podunk town we live in, but instead of just getting the fantastic grouper dish, we had to move out of the way as the owners and crew sand and danced all over the restaurant.

Then I was back in high school.  Again.  And I was helping my big daddy investigate the bad smoothie water, since somebody was poisoning it.  Also, some hick locals were burying stolen treasure in their basement but we had to solve the water problem before Big Daddy wanted to hear about it.

Then I couldn’t get a hair appointment again, so I went back to the hoe-down at the high school, where everyone snubbed me but I couldn’t figure out why.  The prom queen started a fight with me while a yearbook photographer was watching, so I started throwing fake punches and then posing as if I were being attacked when the photographer took the picture.

Then my RWA chaptermates flagged me down from their little corner in the cafeteria tent, and it seemed prudent to go hang out with people who actually liked me.

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